Fall in Florida.
Not the drastic and beautiful changes I know from my childhood. The brilliant leaves, the gorgeous change in seasons that I knew from northern New Mexico and Colorado.
Fall is more subtle in Florida.
The light is different, softer.
The days are shorter.
I find myself searching for those colors of my childhood. The 'autumn' colors.
I find them at one of my favorite blogs, Roxanne has the most beautiful subtle colors and photography. I always find myself calmer, quieter after viewing her posts. She is offering an on-line course, The Thread that Weaves that I am lucky enough to be a part of. I have been spending my mornings collecting, layering, collaging and absolutely losing track of time as I play and explore.
Don't you love the colors of autumn?
The artists that Roxanne has in the group are wonderful, creative, warm, encouraging, and have beautiful works in process. There is a Flickr group group where we are posting public photos.
I hope your season (Autumn or Spring) is beautiful. Take time to notice these changing days and seasons. It all goes so quickly.
I'm ashamed to say when my eldest daughter took a permanent magic marker and wrote on the inside of her closet I was angry! She got in trouble. Of course, we were living in a rental and the landlord did not take kindly to writing on the walls. The walls of course were off-white and bleh.
When my second daughter was 5 or so I decided to paint a HUGE kokopelli on her wall in her bedroom just because her bedding had it. I loved it. Fast forward to today?
Now, her bedroom is all her own artwork and paraphenalia. She started painting items on it a few years ago and periodically a new something will appear.
She has a ton of objects taped, nailed, screwed to one section. All of her interest, all of her loves. She still has a spine that someone made for her out of plaster that we have not figured out how to mount. But she does have . . .
Now I am quite the neat freak. You would think this would bother me. But it doesn't. I love it.
I do request she shovel the clothes off the floor at least once a week and bring in the dirty dishes.
She built a hanging chair from an old trampoline that hangs in the center of the room that is quite comfy.
She has many quotes on the walls and the mirrors.
I find myself inspired by her spirit, her willingness to try new things and her fearlessness in her approach to life. I want to be just like her when I grow up!
I am a bleeding heart liberal feminist. At one point I was ashamed of this. It was as if 'feminist' was a dirty word. I am no longer ashamed. I even thought I 'should' be conservative because those around me were. Being surrounded by the conservative viewpoint overwhelmed my thoughts, my feelings, my beliefs. I rarely voiced my opinion. I am changing that about myself. I am voicing my thoughts and my opinions.
Feminist is not a dirty word. I see every day in the media, in society, in schools how girls and women are made to feel less than themselves. How they are viewed as a sexual object, judged by their looks. How women still do not make the same amount as a man for the very same job.
I was raped 25 years ago today. Very few people know this about me. That moment in my life altered me in ways that no one can understand except those who have experienced a similar act of violence to themselves. And their experience will be different than mine. It silenced me. I withdrew a large part of myself. I barricaded that part deep inside of myself.
In writing this and posting it (if I find the courage to push the publish button) I am putting a part of myself out in the world. I am taking a stand. I am standing up for myself. It is a scary thought! But it is time to give voice to that hidden part of myself. It is time to find my voice.
And where does that lead me?
I am realizing I must speak my truth. I must say what is in heart or I will die as the person I wish to be. I can no longer keep silent when I disagree or I feel it causes discomfort.
If you have stayed with me thru this rambling post, thank you for being present for my baby steps to speaking out, to finding my voice, to speaking my truth.
Wishing life came with an automatic focus button that would bring some clarity.
Seems there is so much clutter and meaningless chatter -
in my mnd, in the news, in the debates, everywhere.
Finding myself seeking time to sit and allow the chatter to die away.
Let the superfluous details go - find the center of the issue - find my own opinion, my own thoughts,